I'm at the bar again. And I cant get out, I cant get out of my head.
I've got some music playing on the jukebox. 'Breaking the girl'...
Some bar in Salt Lake called Murphy's. And I'm drinking a nice stout called murphy's. coincidence? Yeah, likely.
Tyler and Karen just left. Got a page, its John Doe.
They wanted weed, but they didnt want to come all the way to Salt Lake from provo.
So I'm here by myself and i'm just chillin. The bartenders are cutre but i'm getting too old for this shit.
Lexi's pissed at me, doesnt want to talk to me anymore. I'm sure i had other girlfriends but I dont know what happened to them all.
So I'm excited about driving a cab next week. I've always wanted to do that since I met my Aunt. I'm sure it will be a lot of fun, something to do to keep my mind busy till I die someday.
Magic Carpet Ride. I chose this song too. smoke another cigarette.
So I've got an imaginary girlfriend now, her name is Shantel.
She works at a bank and is very sweet to me, she buys me things and makes me feel like I am a part of her life. Shantel likes to include me in her time, and she thinks i'm cute and wants to spend time with me alot.
I'm 25... she's 27. She misses me when I'm not there. We havent had sex yet, we just kiss and cuddle alot when we are alone. She makes me feel like she cant get enough of me. Its a very good feeling. I like it.
She looks into my eyes and tells me how beautiful I am. Nothing can replace the way I feel inside when she tells me that after she watches me sleep and wakes me by gently brushing her fingertips through my hair.
Most of all, she listens to me. She is genuinely interested and asks me about myself and who I am all the time. Shantel has an insatiable curiosity with me. She cares about even the smallest details about what goes on in my life and in my head.
She doesnt exist.
I've been using my mind to construct memories so that I can have something to fill the empty gaps. Maybe I will marry her someday and have imaginary kids so I can look back on my life as I am dying and smiole to myself, knowing that I lived a complete and fulfilling life.
If I'm lucky, maybe I can make her memory more real than my own.
this isnt real... I'm dreaming...
dreaming away my sanity
(here i got a bit more drunk, you can see a drastic difference in the handwriting)
Every night, she wants me to come home to her. She waits awake @ night patiently for me to come lay with her...
She waits... and she listents. I'm in heaven. When I come home to her she asks me about what I have been doing and she waits until I am done, falling asleep in each others arms.
But I am still at murphy's drinking beer. I've had some scotch and i'm doin good. But its all fantasy. I gave my number to some random chick. She doesnt care. Who gives a shit.
So I've got my water and my beer. Maybe she will call me. but she wont.
I'll go home... any home I can find,.. and I will fall asleep with my Imaginary girlfriend Shantell.
She likes me and will hold me as I fall asleep in her arms.
I'm drunk and hopefully I can fall asleep peacefully. If not, I will just play video games until I pass out.
(by that point I could barely read my own handwriting)
Best punk band ever
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